“Please all, and you will please none.”
― Aesop
Many of the posts here are about my “story”. The story of how I became a health and wellness junkie, the story behind the cancer, the hair, the boobs. On the surface these stores simply describe the course of events through my life. But deep down, my inner stories have a deeper and more profound impact on my life. I have a story in my head, as I am sure many of you do, about the whys and hows of my life. Excuses for the various directions I have taken. My internal story, it turns out, is a bit of a pity party. Well, today my pity party was abruptly halted by words of wisdom from a very close friend. It is true I have heard this nugget of advice before (my husband has tried on many occasions), but today the truth and simplicity struck me. The key , my friend shared with me, was to separate the “facts” from the “story”. When I started to view a recent issue I was struggling with from this point of view, I discovered more and more story, and less and less fact.
I have struggled throughout my life with a near compulsion to try to make everyone around me happy. I find myself saying yes more often than I should, and feel a ridiculous amount of guilt when I say no. It turns out that this guilt is all based on a story in my head about how disappointed and hurt people will be if I say no. Scenes of angry words, broken friendships and worse bounce around my mind just at the very thought of saying “no”. But finally today, for a brief moment, I broke free of this story.
Two years ago I said I was going to do four triathlons a year to commemorate my four months of chemo. But with a summer full of weddings, yoga, and family vacations, the pressure started to mount as I tried to figure out how to do it all. At the very first thought of letting myself off the hook, my story took over, and I got all wrapped up in how much I was going to disappoint people. Anxiety and panic increased as I desperately tried to figure out how to cram it all in. I made a promise to myself, I had to keep it right?. Well, GOOD NEWS, I am letting go of the story on this one. This year my life is focused in a different direction. Even though I may not do 4 triathlons, I will do many other things to continue my path to health and wellness. The fact is, that it is really the most important thing I can do, for me, for my family and friends and even for those that might be inspired by my words.
So now I have a sticky note in my car that reads simply “Facts vs. Story”. It’s a reminder to focus on the facts and to let the story go and clear the room for life, happiness, and the space to be happy with the choices I make. So, if you find me saying “no thank you” or “I’m sorry I can’t do that” just know that I am a little closer to letting that story go and a lot closer to true peace. At least that is my goal!
